Running groups and meetings Talking Stick
Talking Stick
Talking Stick
Palden Jenkins
February 2008 (revised from 1993 and 1999)
The purpose of talking stick processes is to allow deep perceptions, healing, resolution, deep democracy and creativity to arise from the heart of a group of people. This has a lot to do with 'more than the sum of its parts', synergy and group mind. It helps and empowers individuals greatly, since group mind increases energy exponentially, moving people closer to the 'heart of the world' and 'God' and recontextualising their individual lives. Things can be healed and understood without even being articulated.
The idea is to let a stream of consciousness emerge until it is complete, however long and whatever it takes. This can be made more effective and, if necessary, quicker, by sticking to the basic 'rules', which allow a 'pressure cooking' effect, containing it, keeping it safe and fruitful.
A talking stick session can work with or without a facilitator. A facilitator sets the tone, outlines the rules and intent, and then interferes only in cases of infringement of rules or the rights and sensitivities of participants. No opinion or judgement on the content of contributions may be offered – only on style and method.
Without a facilitator, all participants need to be clear what they are entering, how it works, and they need to mutually reinforce the integrity of the circle. But it still helps if one person introduces the basic rules, and that people don't assume they and everyone else know them.
A hat, a light, another object or nothing can be used. Full presence and attention are the key.
• Only the holder of the stick may contribute at any time. All others listen, give complete attention and support to contributors in expressing their truth – agreement and disagreement are secondary or unhelpful. Any variation of this principle leads to loss of 'pressure' and potency.
• Once the process is started, the stick is placed in the centre, and the first person moved to contribute may take it, make their offering, then pass the stick to their left or right. It proceeds from there, around the circle, in order, with no by-passes or interruptions. It doesn't help to return the stick to the centre, since this can silence reticent people, who often hold the greatest of gems. The principle of talking-stick renders everyone equal and removes competition for air-space, irrespective of people’s status or capacity to articulate themselves.
• Contributors need not respond to the foregoing contributions – they may offer whatever comes up. It can help if occasional contributors bring the matter back on track, pick up earlier threads, or summarise where things have got to, when necessary or helpful.
• It helps that all participants 'own' what they offer and get to the point reasonably quickly and openly, though without feeling pressured. If people take a long time, the circle sits there a long time.
• If other people are mentioned in the circle, whether present or absent, it helps if the contributor adds "I experience that…" or similar. Personal reporting of experience or whatever comes up is best, and it's best to look on others as manifestations of what's going on in one's own psyche, not as oppressors, accomplices or saviours.
• Speak to the centre of the circle, not to individuals. Don't be afraid of what others might think or judge. When bearing witness to a contributor, try not to judge – give complete attention and witness the person's situation, predicament, true meaning and genius.
• Everything said in the circle is confidential and this is to be respected by all participants after it ends – otherwise people might hold things back.
• There can be moments when something completely new comes up 'from the centre', through one of the participants. At this point, individuals are often implicitly asked to surrender some of their perceived freedom – paradoxically to gain greater freedom. If people aren't clear that this can happen, and sometimes it can lead to vulnerable situations, perhaps they shouldn't join the circle in the first place. But a well-run circle will ‘contain’ it and take it to resolution or fulfilment.
• It's okay to pause before speaking, or to be silent when one's turn comes. If the latter, hold the stick (and the circle) awhile, since your silence is more valuable than you might think.
• If there is disarray or fundamental disagreement, the best solution is for someone to propose 2-3 minutes' pause, to help re-collect the group energy. The holder of the stick or the facilitator are the best people to do this. After a pause, sometimes the holder might summarise the situation before making their own offering or passing on the stick – or they may make a facilitative contribution, with suggestions.
• The stick continues until one person proposes a break or an end, and all others nod agreement. If there isn't agreement, there's no need to discuss it – just carry on. If there is a break, it helps if people don't chatter or disperse the energy – stay with it, have your pee and drink your tea, and return quickly. If there is a facilitator, he or she may use their sense, judgement and skill to propose and fulfil a good decision – with a nod from everyone else.
• Usually, the really interesting stuff starts in the second round or after. In the first round, personal views and experience are often reported. In the second, wider issues or perceptions emerge, and thereafter, transpersonal synergy, contextual shift and channelling can arise.
• The circle ends when everyone has a distinct feeling it is complete or is as complete as it can be.
• If a time-limit has to be kept to, then it should be agreed and stated at the beginning, and everyone should stay until the agreed time. It is up to the group to allow everyone to feel sufficiently complete by the time that time-limit is reached. But give the process good time – pressure to finish silences people.
• The purpose of a circle is not to make decisions. However, decisions can often come about by the building of a consensus or by someone articulating something everyone knows to be true. Often such decisions or 'accommodations to emergent reality' can be different from what was foreseen, or taken at a different level – this is the benefit of ‘circle-working’.
• If a specific decision is needed, it can often be best to switch to a 'chaired' discussion in which the 'chair' ensures the issue is answered workably and all have had their say. But this switch of 'constitution' must be done with a proposition and a consensual nod in response.
• If nod-consensus cannot easily be achieved, the question is void or improperly handled. So the circle carries on as before until a nod is achieved or the question goes away.
• If a circle ends with one or a few people feeling aggrieved, the circle fails as a whole. If a majority prevails over a minority, the minority needs at least to feel heard – so they should be asked how they feel. It is incumbent on all individuals to avoid blame, exclusion, obstruction, unnecessary timewasting or diversion. Walking out is not an option and, if it is done, it is final (not available as a means of manipulation). The self-excluding person permits the circle to proceed as it believes best.
Conflict-resolution, if needed, always involves grace and letting go by everyone, especially winners. It doesn't have to be difficult, and usually involves relaxation and climbing off soap-boxes. It comes about when everyone realises they are all sitting in the same boat.
The bottom line in 'circle-working' is level-shift, social change and generating 'forwardness'. There might be no concrete, identifiable outcomes, yet in the fullness of time outcomes can be significant. The significance is found in the feeling that arises. Magic and karma-shifts can happen. Deep bonding can happen. Spirit can shine its light on the circle. Everyone knows it when the circle's purpose is fulfilled.
The enlightenment-potential of this process is enormous. It permits 'group mind' to speak – the sangha (Buddhist) or the umma (Muslim). If Spirit has a need to speak or influence things, someone will bring it in. As a theatre of breakthrough, a circle can sometimes heal issues far away or concerning people or issues it does not know. It is a method for making a quantum jump within a group, and of creating potential outcomes far greater than are expected.
